The tick of time; something lost, something gained.


For everything gained, there seems always to be something lost.

In visible terms, I’ve gained an impossible amount in the past few years. I’ve learnt so much, travelled so far, lived more life than perhaps my entire life leading up to this time.

What could possibly be wrong, in the light of such growth?

What could there possibly be to lose?

The world has become so big and so small simultaneously. It’s become normal to be in London one day, and eating noodles in China only a few hours later, yet this only makes it crystal clear how much more there is to see and how little time there is to see it all. With every wondrous experience, the desire to not waste what is given to us overbears every thought, yet as each experience becomes normality, new experience itself becomes a drug.

Without the new, time ticks louder.

Whoever knew that a clock would have to be fed?

Time is hungry. Time well spent is hungrier.

That realisation of the value of time forces a view to what was valued in the past. You suddenly realise how much has passed, and how much is lost. Places called home fade, replaced by houses without the memories. Old dreams become nightmares, or at the very least turned away and forgotten. Close friends drift apart, and although they may well mean the world, the world has replaced them, and perhaps a mutual feeling of being forgotten exists, although the opposite is likely the reality.

In fearing the ticking clock, I’ve lost the trust of people who played a part in my being. I’ve lost any of the small sense of belonging I ever had. I’ve lost safety and security and let unpredictability in in its place.

Yet as there is something to gain for something lost, there is something lost for something gained. The fear of the tick of time has brought appreciation.

Appreciation for every tiny passing object, moment and thought.

It may be normal  to swap one country for another, but I see value in each place I go, which I never sensed before. Even when complaining about the frustration of Beijing life, looking up to a grey poisoned sky, I think about how perfect the blue days are.

When an old face goes by, whether I stop for a conversation or not, a feeling of thankfulness washes over like a flood. I might not see that face again for months, or years, or maybe even ever again; it becomes essential to revel in the moment while it’s still there. I’ve developed more love for friends than I’ve ever had before, despite having not seen many for a number of years.

In losing any feeling of security or stability, any moment of a relative return to such things is an incomparable bliss, even if there now exists a need to avoid staying within that stability.

Any negative feelings now quickly fade, driven away by their innate pointlessness. Time doesn’t stop for misery, but misery eats time. It doesn’t deserve a feast.

Through the experiences of the past few years I have gained and lost so much. In both gaining and losing in such boundless measures, one intense lesson has been learnt.

Appreciation seems to me now to be the balance between gain and loss; the importance of it only becoming clear due to a heightening of both extremes.

Appreciate everything. the new will appear and the old will pass, but there is infinite value in both. The tick of time won’t stop, so each moment must be loved. We only have so many ticks, each one appreciated is a victory to the experiences gained, and a defeat to the experiences lost.

Glimpse


Glimpse

.

Turn off the screen.

Its stealing everything that matters,

Stop arguing.

Whether strictly or X factor’s better,

Have you seen?

There’s a world outside your living room.

Its name’s a farce.

You’re not living,

But decaying

While you stay.

.

And all that we know

Will dissolve into the night,

We’re but glimpses of a time

Where we can cast a light.

And there is little that we know;

It stretches far too long,

Our books and eyes can’t comprehend

The history that we belong to,

.

So close your eyes.

Feel space and time.

Glimpse life.

.

Turn your eyes.

They’ve been distracted for far too long,

It’s beautiful.

Realise it’s where you belong,

It’s not too late

To take the glimpse that’s gifted to you.

You’ll never live

The whole of life

But just don’t waste

What you can.

.

And all that we know

Will dissolve into the night,

We’re but glimpses of a time

Where we can cast a light.

And there is little that we know;

It stretches far too long,

Our books and eyes can’t comprehend

The history that we belong to,

.

So close your eyes.

Feel space and time.

Glimpse life.

event horizon

event horizon (Photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker)

.

You’re closer now


You won’t sink

To the shifting sands of time

They say

It consumes everything

Though I know

It only takes the shell

 

You were always far away

Out of reach

Out of sight

And somehow now

You’re closer now

Than you ever were before

 

I think back

To that place that never was

To favourite memories

Of which I dreamed

But never truly had

 

You were always far away

Out of reach

Out of sight

And somehow now

You’re closer now

Than you ever were before

 

Life will fade

From flesh and loving eyes

But life transcends

Love won’t fade

From time or space

And love holds life

Eternally.

one with all all with one


I find myself apologising for not posting regularly far too much, so sorry about apologising so much… It’s the last year of school and i’m awaiting my grade predictions that essentially govern what unis I apply to. For the course I wish to study, other than one uni, I’ll need an A in German-the only subject i’m still awaiting a prediction for. In short, i’m rather stressed out at the moment. Nevertheless I have written something for you all. I’ve walked away from rhyme and metre on my latest pieces so I hope that won’t put any of you off.

Words mean nothing in this moment

Yet they are all we have.

Let us dissolve into this moment;

Become one with all

As all becomes one.

 

The time has come

For time to disappear.

Its end is not absolute;

 

We revive,

We live,

We love.

 

Don’t begin and do not end;

The end of time a love will send.

 

As this moment comes to end,

Time fades.

It breaks

It bends.

One last time.


I wrote this in about 5 minutes, and I like it. Look to my previous post on what I was doing while writing this.

One last time

To tunnel to the sky

One last time

To break the wall of sighs

One last time

starts ticking by my eyes

One last time

Reaching for sublime

One last time

The soul becomes a shrine

One last time

For this to be our time.

The Hand Of Time


The hand reached out towards escape

From a perfect unbroken cage,

But pulled back to reality

It rotates for an age.

All it wishes is to run away from

Ticking ticking time,

Its purpose of existence in

Itself is but a crime.

 

The hand that turns accused numbers

From boundaries one and twelve

And at each point a person finds

Or loses in themselves

The drive to put away this tool that

keeps us in one place

To never look again upon

Its staring ticking face.

 

The curse of time held in its place

It never can escape,

From turning round a ticking clock

Never early nor is it late.

English: Street clock in Globe, Arizona, USA F...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)